R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
