I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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