somebody snuck up and got me drunk
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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