I think I won the penis lottery.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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