He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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