she was so not down for the gang bang
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
