it's like her boobs came off with her bra
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
