i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
