You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
