another moral hangover. fuck.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
