Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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