walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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