i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
