I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
