White coat. Heels.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
