fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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