Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
