Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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