So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize