Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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