Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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