stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
