if you like me you must not know who I am
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
