Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize