MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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