he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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