too bad you live with your parents still
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
