The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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