nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
