omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
