I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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