My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
