Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
