there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
