It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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