im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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