you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize