In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
