So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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