So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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