At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
