So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
