i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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