If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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