it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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