why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
