i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
