OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
