I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
