Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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