first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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