very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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