She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
