So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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