you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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