The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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