I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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