My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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