The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She told me I should be a condom model.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
