11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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