I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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