There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
