last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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