I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
