The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
