my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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