"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
