He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
