god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
